Secret Santa With the Hamiltons (and company)
by LamsNotLambs
Summary: Hamilton is starting a secret santa, and things, well, things don't turn out how they were expected. Note: Nobody is married, but there are couples.
1. Look at my house! Pride ain't the word

"ROLE CALL!" Alexander Hamilton shouted from the back of the room. It didn't work. Almost everybody was still talking and laughing to each other.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Angelica Schuyler bellowed, who was one of the few people who stopped talking. Dead Silence.

"Thanks," Alex whispered to Angelica, then to everybody, he said, "You may be wondering why I have summoned you all here tonight. You may be thinking, 'I have things to do, like sleep! And sleep! Why has this idiot called us here at a devastating," Hamilton checks the clock, "4:53 PM!?' Well I'll tell you why. We're all broke college kids, right?"

"Yea!" Everybody shouted in agreement.

"We cannot afford anything!"

"YEA!"

"BUYING A 25 CENT GUMBALL IS TOO EXPENSIVE FOR US!"

" **YEA!** "

"So, we are going to do a... Drumroll please!"

"I ain't got no drums." Mulligan said.

"I HAVE THE SOLUTION!" Lafayette cried, and started hitting his chest like an ape, "That's what you Americans do, right?"

"Close enough!" Laurens agreed, and did the same, this set a chain reaction.

"SECRET SANTA!" Hamilton cheered, throwing a hat in the air, which made small slips of paper fall out, he dropped to the ground and picked up the paper.

"But I can't buy anything!" Eliza cried.

"I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY I'M NOT TRYIN TO BE FU-" Laurens shouted, who was interrupted by Jefferson, "NO NOT THAT SONG AGAIN!" and threw is cup of apple juice at Laurens.

"EW EW EW!" Laurens screeched, "IT SMELLS LIKE PEEEEEE!"

"Anyway..." Hamilton said, concerned, but then shaking his head as if to shake the concern out of his head, "The budget is $30, so you don't have to spend too much, and you'll only get one person, so you don't have to spend too much money, any questions?"

"How will the names be picked?" Eliza asked.

"Ah, yes. I have this hat full of all of your names, Laf, Eliza, Angelica, John, Herc, _Jefferson,"_ Hamilton said Jefferson's name like it was cringy, and then continued, "Madison, Washing Machine, Burr, and myself."

"AND PEGGY!" Peggy shouted.

"Ah, yes, I forgot to say you..." Hamilton said, scribbling Peggy down on a sheet of paper nearby and throwing it in the hat.

"You will each pick a name, and you have to get a present for that person, don't tell ANYBODY who you got! Any more questions? No? Okay!" Hamilton picked up the hat and showed it to Eliza. She shut her eyes tight and pulled out a name, she remained expressionless.

Laurens pulled out a name, "Uhh... What if we get ourselves?"

Hamilton laughed, "Put it in the hat."

"Wait, I get nobody?"

"No! Pick a new one!"

"Oh!" He swirled around the papers and picked a new one. " Um, wait, let me just,"

"You got yourself again?" Angelica sighed.

"Yup," Laurens said, and picked a new one, which, thankfully, wasn't himself. Although, there was a happy expression on his face.

Hamilton continued passing the hat around, after Jefferson groaning, but then smiling about the name he had gotten. Laf seemed disappointed, but everybody else managed a straight face.

"Well!" Hamilton said, "You have until December 20th, that gives you 21 days to get a present! Be sure to get to my house a 4:30 on that day!"

"So, we can leave?" Jefferson asked, at the door already.

"Yes! Have fun!" He called to everybody starting to leave his dorm.

When the room was empty. He sprawled down on the floor, and started thinking of gift ideas for Washing Machine.


	2. Cinnamon Rolls

(this is a conversation I had with myself that took place throughout a few days while I was procrastinating to make this) (each new line is often a different day)

Lets begin

With what?

I dunno.

Lets do: Getting Presents

But what POV

I dunno.

Why you always sayin I dunno

I dunno.

But let's tell the people how I feel a second

Or we could just show the people who got who.

Yea that's a better idea.

 **Laf: Madison  
**

 **Herc: Laf  
**

 **George Washing Machine: Pegs  
**

 **Pegs: Jefferson  
**

 **Eliza: Burr  
**

 **Angelica: Laurens  
**

 **Jefferson: Eliza  
**

 **Madison: Herc  
**

 **Laurens: Hammy**

 **Burr: Angelica**

 **Hammy: Washing Machine**

 ***** I finally added "Laurens" and "Laurens's" to the spell check dictionary because t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶n̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶r̶i̶g̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶ the red lines annoy me so much *****

 ****** I'm probably not going to do chapters for everybody buying gifts, because I want some to be a surprise, but I'll do a chapter for most people ******

 ******* Sorry this took a while to get out I was sick for 2 days and the homework I had to make up got in the way *******

 ******** This chapter might not be as good as the upcoming ones because I had some writers block while planning this ********

 ********* Last note: yes I ship Lams. If you don't like that ship you should know that there is minor Lams shipping in this chapter. *********

* * *

Laurens swung open the dorm room door, (note: gosh that's really fun to say. try saying it 10 times fast. if you review this say how many times you could say it XD okay back to the story,) "I'm he-re!" he cried in a sing-songy voice.

"John!" Hamilton said, smiling.

"Why am I here?" John said, turning his happy expression into a face that looked much like a dog's face makes when they try to fetch a snowball and they realize that they can't.

"You're going to help me with Secret Santa," Alex replied, like there was no way out of not helping him.

"But you're not allowed to tell me who you got!"

"I won't!"

"But then how will I know what you want to get them?" Laurens's dimples were creeping along his face, like a tiger about to pounce at it's prey, it's prey being Laurens's face.

"You'll see!"

"OK," John said, kissing Alex on the nose. But he was pretty sure he'd find out who Alex got along the way.

"Well, sit!" Alex said, pointing at the couch, "You don't need to stand the whole time!" He pulled out a notebook from underneath the couch cushion and flipped to the back of it. He wrote on top, "Secret Santa Ideas for" He almost wrote Gorj Washing Machine, but stopped himself, and instead wrote, "Secret Santa Ideas for Secret Santa"

"Smooth," Laurens chuckled, seeing the words, "For Secret Santa" at the top of the paper.

"I know, right!" Hamilton said, but he wasn't really sure what Laurens meant. He spun his pencil around in his hand while thinking of gift ideas. Thoughts bounced around in his mind, _maybe... a rifle?_ He thought, _He_ _can shoot well. No I don't want him to get arrested._

Seeing that Hamilton wasn't saying anything and was probably thinking, Laurens said, "You can talk to yourself as long as you don't talk back!"

"Well then I'm screwed," Alexander replied like a robot, since he was still in a thinking state.

"Then I'm just going to name some gifts that certain people may like," John said, "Maybe hair spray, scented things, the app Grammarly,"

"What?" Hamilton said, hearing Grammarly. "If you're talking about me then you should know that I have better grammar then anybody in the world!"

"I'm not!" Laurens said, and he really wasn't, "It could be for Lafayette!"

"Oh!" Hamilton said, realizing that that should've been obvious, "That makes much more sense."

"But continuing," Laurens continued, "A book of manners," Hamilton laughed at this, which made John smile, "I dunno, maybe cough drops?" This made Hamilton snort, which made Laurens snort. They were trying to out-snort each other for a good 45 seconds.

"We'll never think of ideas for George Washing Machine at this ra..." Alex realized what he said.

"OHHHHH!" Laurens screamed, "YOU'RE BREAKING YOUR OWN LAW! HYPOCRITE!" He didn't mean this literally. John was pretending to be a police car, but failed because he was a human and was laughing.

"Uh-no-u- I-I I mean..." Hamilton whispered to his pen, "Give me ideas here!" the pen answered, so Hamilton said to Laurens, "I meant my washing machine!" Alex said with nervous laughter, "I need detergent for it! It's easy to screw up George Washing Machine and just a washing machine, ya know?"

"Wait a minute!" Laurens said, grabbing Alex's arm, "We- I mean, you, could get George detergent! It resembles him so well!"

"I would say that's lame but I honestly have nothing better."

"Oh, there's just one problem,"

"What?"

"That's not close to $30, it's only about 10." Laurens sighed.

"That's fine! We could just get him some stickers to put one his washing machine!"

"Okay..." Laurens said, giving up on trying to throw some useful ideas at him. As a distraction he fumbled for Alexander's hand, eventually finding it. He rested his head on his shoulder.

"We can't sleep!" Alex said, shoving Laurens's head, but still gripping his hand, "We have to BUY the stuff!"

"Can't it wait?" Laurens asked, too tired to move.

"I guess..." Hamilton mumbled, moving John's head back on his shoulder. "But we need to do eventually,"

"Okay," John Laurens yawned, resting his free hand on Alex's leg.

"Good night cinnamon bun," Hamilton yawned, shifting his head onto the armrest.

"Right back at ya," Laurens said quietly, and drifted into sleep.


	3. The Target

**LET'S GET IT STARTED**

 **Tommy Jeffy and Madison a hatter (Madison, you mad as a hatter)**

 **time to do them**

 **time to ship**

 **let the shipping begin**

 **tomorrow**

 **wow look its tomorrow**

 **i think ima gonna do angelica instead**

 **we'll see how it goes**

 **but**

 **no one else was in the room where it**

 **never mind**

 **wait**

 **i need to do george washington**

 **cuz alex got george washing machine**

 **so george washing machine's chapter needs to start**

 **this will be slow.**

 **i apologize in advance**

 **even though i dont know what im gonna do for this chapter yet**

 **George Washington Has Gotten And Peggy: The Chapter**

 **Okay screw this i'm skipping George's chapter and going straight to Peggy's.**

 **(oh only a few weeks later i'm checking on this)**

 **Sorry for the delay! I've been working on so many fanfics at once that I haven't been able to add much to this one. But I promise this will be worth the wait!**

 **Okay, this has been in my document manager for 73 days. .Ha... Sorry.**

* * *

Peggy Schuyler stopped to rest at a tree, out of breath from walking. Her dark yellow jumpsuit blended in with the leaves scattered around. She made sure that her outfit wasn't too bright, but it's hard to make a wardrobe full of only yellow colored items camouflaged. So Peggy just rubbed some dirt against her old jumpsuit which was already dark-colored, it seemed to do the job. But it was time for her plan to go into action. She pulled herself up from the ground a few seconds later because she knew there was no time to waste. There it is. She could see it. Peggy drew closer to her target. She was at the front wall to it. She creeped along, without making a single noise. She may be ignored often, but don't underestimate her. She is much more than meets the eye. She pulled the key thing out of her back pocket and slowly made her way up to the entrance. She threw it in the air. Glass came crackling down along with her crowbar. She smiled to herself and stealthily picked up the crowbar without touching a single piece of glass. One camera down, three to go. That is, on the outside. She had no idea what to expect on the inside. A trap? Possibly lasers? But that's okay.

 _Peggy_ _is ready for anything._ Peggy thought to herself, patting her concealed bulletproof vest. She spotted the next camera. It was in a much easier range. She had a lucky throw with that first camera. Peggy hurled the crowbar a few feet into the air and shattered the device watching her every movement. Again, she picked up the crowbar and started searching for the final security camera outside of the target. Peggy glanced around for a while, unable to find the camera, but then noticing it out of the corner of her eye as she approached the entrance.

 _Shoot_ she thought to herself. She never cursed because she considered herself a clean person, besides from when she forgot to shower, which was more often than not. She still managed to smell halfway decent though. But the camera had been watching her for who knows how long, and it was in a hard place to hit. Well, actually, it would've been quite easy to hit, but it was right above the door, and Peggy couldn't risk accidentally breaking the door. Since it was the only camera watching her, and nothing else could spot her, she ran straight to the door and threw her crowbar up in the air, blocking the door from being shattered with her body (which had slid to the ground). She knew her crowbar found its home when she heard a breaking noise and a _clunk_ telling her that the crowbar fell back on the ground.

She crawled over and grabbed the crowbar. She turned to face the door.

Ah, yes. The Target.

Target.

Peggy opened the large red doors slowly after prying them open with her crowbar.

No alarms. Strange. Peggy through a pebble into the store. Lasers flashed for a split second before burning the pebble to bits.

 _Shoot._ Peggy knew she shouldn't have thought she was going to get the gift so quickly.

 _All for Jefferson._

 _Why._

 _The worst person ever, and I'm doing my absolute best for him. Well, I'm not going to kill myself for him, so I guess I'll just stay alive while I'm in here._

Peggy ran over to the large ball sitting in front of Target. She kicked it hard enough to force it out of the ground.

After pushing the neon red ball for what seemed like ages, she finally made it to the door. Peggy rolled the ball where the lasers should be.

The lasers lit up, but didn't turn invisible again. This was because the lasers couldn't break the ball, and the lasers needed to be lit up to destroy anything.

Peggy smirked to herself and walked into Target, swiftly avoiding the lasers.

They were much easier to dodge than she thought that they would be. The lasers were actually just in a straight line, so Peggy could just crawl right under all of them.

She stopped in her tracks. There was a loud noise that sounded like something breaking or shattering. A thump quickly followed that noise. Peggy slowly turned around, and what did she see? Golly, she saw a shelve that had fallen to the ground.

And GEE, it set off alarms.

Well, GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS wasn't that exactly what Peggy needed?

And, as Laurens sometimes says to quote his mother, that possum's on the stump!

This was as GOOD as it can MOTHER EFFING GET.

And goodness gracious, me oh my, that's just the bees knees!

The lasers had turned off because the alarms were already on, so what did Peggy do?

No, she didn't make a run for it and leave the store so the cops couldn't find her.

By golly, she went hell for leather towards the hair care aisle.

She scanned the aisle, and w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶e̶r̶-̶r̶a̶d̶ ̶X̶-̶R̶a̶y̶ ̶v̶i̶s̶i̶o̶n̶ within a few seconds, she found her eyes set upon the gift, Mixed Chicks Curl Sculpter **(a/n:** **not a sponsor)**

In the drop of a hat, Peggy was out the door with her present stuffed into her jacket.

Zooterkins! Peggy is _not_ lucky today. The police decided that they want to chill with their friend Peggy today.

But no.

Peggy could not have that.

She scampered into the woods, throwing her crowbar behind her, and smiling when she heard a car alarm.

She'd hit the police car.

* * *

 **Okay, I know this was a really strange chapter, but trust me. I was not drunk when I wrote this.**

 **But I like giving Peggy a really interesting personality because we really don't know much about her based off of the Hamilton musical.**

 **This was originally going to take place at Victoria's secret, but I kind of liked calling Target "The Target".**

 **See you next time, whenever that is!**


	4. James and the Giant Peach

Thomas stared at his laptop, eyes wide and burning.

"What would a nineteen-year-old girl want for Christmas who really like the color blue and guys with long hair, brown eyes, are insanely good at writing, and basically lives off of coffee?" Asked his question posted on Yahoo Answers. He had posted it approximately four minutes and thirteen seconds ago and he was anxiously waiting for a response. He thought that the Jeff attracted people? Why aren't people just begging to answer the Jeff's questions?

Then it hit him. There must be so many people responding at once that a server overload occurred. Smiling at his ingenious thinking, he closed the tab to reveal his screensaver, which was, "a bunch of dank picture of the Jeff compiled together into a virtual collage." At least according to Thomas's bodyguard, James Madison

Wait a minute, where was his bodyguard? They shared a dorm, yet James still hadn't come home from class this day. A celebrity needed his bodyguard, didn't he?

The Jeff shut his laptop, rolled off his bed, and left his dorm, on a quest to find a James Madison.

* * *

James stared at it, his eyes wide in wonder and curiosity. With brute force, he hauled it over to a table in the abandoned cafeteria. James furrowed his eyebrows when he realized that he had no idea how to approach this. He circled it a few times, analyzing its curved angles. All of a sudden, Thomas Jefferson burst into the room, hair looking much more frizzy than normal.

"Jemmy!" Thomas shouted, scanning the room until his eyes laid upon James...

And the giant peach. 🍑🍑🍑

"Whaaa..." Thomas said, eyes wide with either pure horror or just plain confusion.

"I can explain!" James cried hastily, "You see... I got kind of hungry, so, naturally, I went down to the cafeteria to soothe my growling stomach. I was looking through the fruit, and I saw this HUGE peach. I mean -Thomas- it's taller than me!"

"That isn't saying much," the Jeff said, rolling his eyes with a smile playing his lips.

James glared at Thomas but then continued with a grin, "This peach is approximately six feet tall. Six feet!"

At that moment, the Jeff's rose-gold colored and bright magenta sequin-covered iPhone 4 pinged. He pulled out the device, turned it on, and read the part of the message that showed up on the small screen.

 **"Google Hangouts**

 **That's Burr, SIR, to you**

 **Hello, Thomas. I was casually scrolling through the recent Yahoo questions feed and saw that you'd needed some free advice. While yo...**

 **Tap for more..** **."**

"One sec," the Jeff muttered to James, "I have an important text."

The Jeff strolled out of the cafeteria and finished reading the message.

 **"Hello, Thomas. I was casually scrolling through the recent Yahoo questions feed and saw that you'd needed some free advice. While you do seem lackadaisical by posting your question on such a website, I will, indeed, assist you with a gift for our dear Eliza. While I do think Eliza would particularly enjoy a pillow with Hamilton's face on it, I don't think that it should be gifted to her in John Laurens's presence. Instead, you could gift Eliza some perfume. I could've sworn that my dearest, Theodosia once informed me that girls love perfume from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I hope this helped you.**

 **Your most obedient and humble servant,**

 **A. Burr."**

Thomas stood still, stunned. _How did Burr find out that he got Eliza for Secret Santa?_ Although, the Jeff was starting to realize that Burr had some pretty good ideas...

* * *

 **That is the end. If you're wondering what happened with the giant peach, then you'll find out during the chapter in which James needs to buy his Secret Santa present.**

 **Again, sorry for not updating! April literally flew by so quickly for me. I've been caught up in schoolwork, and yes, that will be my excuse every time I post a chapter after not being active for a while.**

 **But see you again, eventually!**


End file.
